How to be a Good Wife

I recently spent a week in Michigan. Woo! While there I visited my grandmothers, mother, and other "good wives" and realized that their lives as wives differ greatly from my own... especially the older wives club, but don't tell them I called them that!!!.... which is probably why I get the scolding look when questioned, "How long will you be in Egypt? How does Matt FEEL about THAT?" Like I am leaving him naked and starving without adequate survival techniques. Luckily, I married a brilliant, scholar who does know what to do with peanut butter and bread and how to push the "start" on the washer.
( In my own defense, I did fill the freezer with "homemade" *box mix* cookies before I left!!!)

So, due to guilt and curiosity, this week I vow to try to be a "good wife" according to a 1950's home economics textbook! :) After this week I should know what it means to "tee tote", honor, and obey the head of the household man... and feel a greater appreciation for feminists and suffrage.

GOAL #1- "Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed."

*It is the night before, so I'm currently planning on peanut butter, turkey, pepper jack cheese, and mustard sandwiches, because Matt is currently making this for himself. Perhaps I'll make a cottage cheese, sausage, and whipped cream pudding for dessert. I'm also going to keep a tally on the wall of all the time I thought about him throughout the day. (half tallies are for the times I think about him negatively... like when his whisker hairs are on my toothbrush in the morning.)

GOAL #2: "Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift."

*I was thinking about just wearing a ribbon... would my granny have done that? To increase gayity, I'll sip glasses of wine in the tub before the arrival of the prophet, i mean matt.

OTHER TIPS: "Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day [cause dealing with forgetful, old people who lived in the 1950's is bad enough]. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind."

* "Hello Dear, Do you need your ass wiped?"

So, I really am a bad wife... So bad that I decided to leave the rest of the Good Wife Directions out of this post. See for yourself...
http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

This also got me thinking, if this is how I am as a wife... how will my children be? could the family circuit be deteriorating due to generations of worsening wifeliness? ah, reason number 782 of why I should not have children. :)

This week should be an interesting week of cooking, laundry, ironing (what is starch for?), taking care of the kids (peanut), and massaging feet... my dad told me before I left that he thinks I can do anything... well, i may prove him wrong, but we shall see!