Slow Water Buffalo

Today I went for a two hour pregnancy run.

Pregnancy run (adv)(v): (1)The act of moving slowly in a running formation. (2)Wearing three sports bras while briskly pumping your arms. (3)Walking and/or waddling with an occasional quick step. (4)A waste of clean workout clothes. (5)Similar to that of a water buffalo running from a predator.

"I'm sexy and I know it"
-my head as I ran at an abnormally slow speed and was twice past by an old woman.

I wasn't alone on my pregnancy run. Shannon came with me, because he has a gimpy knee. Now that I'm a water buffalo the playing field is "evenly matched" (meaning: he feels bad and will run slow and walk with me). Shannon took the opportunity to manipulate the situation in to securing his baby name of choice, Cooper.

If my baby is named after a local bridge, blame it on the pregnancy run.

Everyone knows that crocodiles, lions, and monsters specifically hunt the slowest of water buffalo. Unfortunately, my eighth grade class contains mostly monsters as well as a few lone sloths and three doe doe birds. Because of this, my days are typical of those described in Dante's Inferno, though a day in the frozen lake may reign superior to a day with those budding young spirits that insist on attacking my buffalo-ness and tormenting me.

I now understand why teachers take advantage of maternity leave during the school year. And now you understand why teachers have to take 2 hour runs despite their giant growing belly.