I moved back to Charleston after a few fun nomadic years where I failed to figure out what I was looking for, but definitely found what I was not looking for. Ultimately, I did determine that the beach and this historical city is a very nice fit. I think I'll stay for awhile.
I shed my starter husband and found my life partner, soul mate, baby daddy... the one I wouldn't mind pushing around in a wheel chair when he's old, gray, and over weight, because he'll probably still be funny...fingers crossed.
I also found a career that I like, sometimes love (sometimes hate, but only momentarily), friends that are loyal, awesome, and fun, some silly in-laws, and a big pregnant belly that destroyed my typical weekly activities as well as the hobbies I use to define myself.
Due to baby Logan, I no longer define myself as a gym rat, runner, or buff chic on the beach. Instead, I'm humpty dumpty. Okay, I'm a soon-to-be mom marking her days with other various mile stones and trying to gracefully accept comments like, "Whoa, you're huge."
In honor of my pre-baby life, I would like to remind the world that last year no one would have screamed "Free Willy!" at me on the beach.
Birthday 27: Bring on the Wine
Mile Markers Attainable ONLY Through Procreation or Bodily Deterioration:
1. Fear of Sneezing: Caught off guard while watching Dance Moms by a triple round of sneezes is no longer just a nuisance, but rather a moment of crotch grabbing fear. Will I pee myself again? The answer is almost always YES, but the real question is, "WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME!" From now on, I'm buying Poise and Witch Hazel as a gift to all my pregnant friends.
2. Granny Panties: Wearing a sundress while pregnant doubles a lady's chances of a Marilyn Monroe moment. As any pilot knows, the widened hips, larger bum, and gigantic belly all cause an increase in lift when one encounters a wind speed greater than 2 knots. Therefore, I swallowed my pride and bought underwear, Granny Underwear. . .a floral circus tent that would cover my bum and lower belly while accentuating my egg-like appearance.*
*Thankfully, I have found that slightly larger than life thongs are just as comfortable and we're back to feeling sexy in lacy thongs that can double as ratchet strap tie downs the next time we move.
3. TMI Vocabulary Terms are Acceptable: Vagina, Cervix, Episiotomy...all are words that cause slight leg crossing, eye-twitching discomfort and yet, now that I'm a whale, people openly discuss various facts and mostly horror stories with me. I feel like my scholarly chats with peers have transformed from Middle Eastern politics to tits, rashes, and tearing. awesome. Tip for the experienced birthers: Keep it to yourself.
Overall, I'm excited that I'm about to be a member of this child rearing, play date posse. I can soon join the coveted local gang called Charleston Mommies. And, rather than introducing myself as Jamie, I can now be called Logan's mom. I can discuss important things like crib recalls and lazy high school gym day care workers that let the children watch things like Sponge Bob!
As of yesterday, I'm twenty eight years old! 28! I remember my dad saying I couldn't have a boyfriend until I was 28. (And I wish he would have stuck to his guns on that one!) I think my 28th year is going to be my best year. With a new little munchkin and my studly hubby, how can it not be anything less than amazing?
Birthday 28:
Never leave a cake at home with a pregnant woman.
She WILL eat some frosting at 9AM and a baby piece for lunch.
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