It's the Baby's Fault

At 32 weeks I'm finally catching on to the benefits of pregnancy. I've recently realized that baby Logan is the ultimate scape goat. (Forget the Jews! Blame the baby!)

When I was a kid I often used my mom as a scape goat.

When a childhood friend mentioned going to summer camp with her again I smoothly replied, "My mom said no." It wasn't that I didn't like going to summer camp with this friend, but I lived on a lake with four hundred siblings and cousins, a couple boats, and elderly people that loved to feed us sugar. My house was summer camp on steroids, but with better crafts and nightly smores that didn't require lame songs.

Without her knowledge, my mom said "NO" to a lot of things throughout my life, and now I plan on using my own child as a similar benefit.

• We're gonna have to leave this party early; the baby is so tired.
• Baby Logan really wanted cheap orange soda and pudding for dinner. (No, he isn't black.)
• My little man just wanted to sit and watch HGTV and American Pickers all day.
• Buddy reeeally wants to see the movie Brave. He has a thing for little red head girls.
• The tiny Nugget ate ALL the Dove Chocolates again! He liked reading the promises inside the wrapper.
• Today the vacuum scares the baby... so does Windex... and bleach. I'll talk to him about it.
• The baby says that going out on the boat makes him have to pee.
• It's 7AM and the baby says, "Come on, dad! Get up and play!"
• I can't work out today; the baby doesn't want to.
• Logan has gas again.

Now, I can use my baby to escape blame and events I'd prefer to miss.... which is so much better than growing some balls and becoming assertive.