There will be a Storm of Crocking

As a pregnant teacher with nothing to do but sit around in the summer heat eating Dove chocolate and imitation crab (jealously hating the rest of the world as they enjoy the ocean, freedom, and hip bones), I've decided to spend my time researching ways to prepare for my teeny bundle and many sleepless nights.

According to various sites and magazines, there are websites where solicited friends and relatives can sign up to bring a meal to people who have recently experienced a major life bomb...like cancer or an infant. Unfortunately for Shannon (just Shannon, because I can't cook for crap), he will not reap the benefits of such a genius website. We have very few relatives in the area and all of our friends have been severely overly generous the last seven months. We also don't have a working oven. No, we don't live in a pop-up camper, but our house only receives enough electricity to support an ascetic on a lean cuisine diet.Therefore, I have decided to support Shannon's culinary responsibilities prior to pushing a human out my vagina. I'm super woman, I know.

In preparation for this adventure, I've dusted off the never-been-used crock pot received as a wedding gift for my first marriage! I knew that fairy tale wedding would come in handy someday. And I've found a variety of crockpot freezer meals that can be prepared weeks before the mini me tears me in two.

Here are some of my favorite recipes that will certainly not aid in my pregnancy weight loss attempts, but may save me from insanity.

My Sombrero Wearing Heffer
1 & 1/2 lbs of steak
2 cups of canned or frozen corn
18 oz jar of delicious salsa
14 oz. can of black beans
1/2 tsp salt
1/8 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/2 cup water added when meal is put in the crock.
6 hours on LOW

Faux Schnitzel
6 Chicken Breasts (Or less if you wanna cut the recipe)
6 piece of Swiss cheese
10 oz can of Cream of Mushroom Soup... I bought the 98% fat free, holler.
Splash of Water
Dash of Pepper
6 hours on LOW

I also stocked up on the following items in order to throw random bits in to the crock like the crazed, sleep deprived witch I'll be!

- Cream of __(insert item here)__ canned soup.
- Life Cereal
- Dry onion soup powder
- Frozen meats
- Lean Pockets
- Ice cubes

I think that should last a good 8 weeks... 

"There will be a storm of crocking!" 

-me, pretending I'm the witch from Hanzel and Gretel. 

Not only will I be prepared for a rapture, zombie attack, and the doomer oil crisis, but I have also begun collecting a variety of take out menus with inclusive delivery services. Be prepared for follow up posts reviewing such cuisine.