Prenatal Depression- It's a thing

As I've stated before, there are far too many aspects of pregnancy that women have failed to mention in general conversation. In fact, teen pregnancy would greatly decline if parents and school districts would only mention that in addition to a baby and/or an std the consequences of sex are also the complete loss of money, freedom, bladder control, sleep, emotions, attractiveness, and rational thought. Herpes isn't scary. Unbearable heart burn, waddling, gas, saggy boobs, hemorrhoids the size of a small ferret, wetting your pants in public, having the appetite equivalent 30 prepubescent 8th grade boys, and losing your nice bed to an evening of misery and infomercials on the couch, that's scary.

Because I was born with an older sister that introduced me to words like "episiotomy" and "placenta" far before I could stomach them, I was somewhat aware of how much growing a baby sucked. I've heard of postpartum depression, but no one ever speaks of prenatal depression.

I stopped taking anti-depressants when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't think it would be a big deal until I became a raging psycho, not unlike Charlie Sheen in recent years. Clearly I lacked much needed tiger blood, because the next few months involved the occasional melt down, days wearing nothing but sweat pants, and two trimesters of crying in my sleep. Now that I'm not sleeping anymore, I just cry...

I cried while leaving the gym yesterday, because I biked for one hour and had to interrupt my calorie burning for THREE bathroom breaks. Being a pregnant lady in the gym is like eating a cheese burger at a vegan event. Spandexed bitches lookin' at me every time I got off the bike...judging me and my monster abdomen with their skinny little eyes. 

I cried at Wild Wings, because Shannon said that a mark on my leg looked like ring worm and then he smiled, which clearly meant that he was laughing at my misfortune. Then he drank his beer, mocking my sobriety ... and then comfortably ate his chicken wings while I sat there all chunky with my unsweetened tea crying about my wormy, alcohol-free, gargantuan life.   

I cried after helping with vacation bible school at church. I'm not sure why. Jesus tears? Or maybe because I thought, "Oh my gosh, these mom's have to take these kids with them everywhere they go!" 

I cried when the baby room was finished.

I cried when I felt hungry for the third time in a morning, after seeing the chocolate wonderfall on TV, knowing I had already eaten a normal daily allotment of calories. Damn Golden Corral.

I had a clothing meltdown (and cried) prior to getting pregnancy photos taken. Looking like an obese whale will do that to a person. (Note: an obese whale is the largest of all whales... a whale with a BMI of like a zillion).

I cried while watching a makeover show.

I cried when the dog hair needed vacuuming AGAIN.

I cry every time I take a shower and feel like crying when I see my reflection in a mirror.

I cry when Mr. Logan kicks me and dances on my bladder, but its because I'm so excited and I really just want to meet him.

Luckily, I have a husband that hugs me and a dog that follows me everywhere, licking my legs, scared that I might burst at any moment. To the non-incubators that are thinking, "this is normal", that doesn't help me. Wine helps.... okay, maybe no wine. Oh, how I miss wine.