6 Things Every Parent of a Middle Schooler Should Know

Gone are the days of cubbies, show and tell, and class holiday parties. You now have a middle schooler. As a parent it is sometimes difficult to navigate the ins and outs of your child’s education, especially as they get into middle and high school. Not only is it difficult for you to keep track of your child’s many teachers, but it’s difficult for those teachers to constantly keep in touch with over 130 students’ parents. Middle school teachers weigh in and tell you some ways to help you tread these new, and sometime treacherous, waters!

1. Organize. Create an organizational system that works for your child. While some kids can manage a binder, others find it exhausting to open all three of those prongs to place their papers inside. With your child, talk about organizational options and let them choose which would be best. After you’ve invested time and money into this organizational strategy, sit with them often to re-organize until they get the hang of it.

2. Planners/Agendas! Some schools give each child an agenda or planner, but if they don’t, get your child one. If tablets or laptops are used in school and your child is more tech savvy, find a great app to keep them organized. If not, help your child find a planner they like. Yes, let them pick one out. The more ownership they have over this, the more likely they are to use it. Some kids like to have a variety of pens and stickers as well. Trust me, get them the pens if it motivates them to use the planner. Have them write in their extracurricular activities and appointments as well.

3. Grades. Most schools have a Parent Portal system that updates a student’s grade as the teacher updates their grade book. You can often see what assignments your child is missing as well as the grade they earned on each assignment and test. Check bi-weekly and a few days after every major test and quiz. If possible, it's great if your child is able to access their grades online as well. They need to keep up with it more than you do and seeing how each assignment impacts their overall grade is important!

4. Struggling Students. If your child has any sort of special need (ADD, ADHD, meds, personality tics, dyslexia, home issues, etc.) schedule a conference with your child’s teachers a few weeks AFTER school has started and fill them in on the situation. There are also resource classes available for struggling students, but parents may need to specifically ask for testing. Your child may also qualify for a 504, which isn’t a special ed IEP, but rather a documented way to ensure that your child gets additional support for any diagnosed issue.  

5. Consequences. Let your child suffer the consequences of failing to study for a test or failing to turn in an assignment. Middle Schoolers need to learn that success must be earned and it may take hard work. This isn’t peewee soccer, no one gets a medal for just for showing up. If you run to the school and start making demands at your child’s teacher, you’re only teaching them that mama/daddy will bail them out when they make a mistake or life doesn’t go their way. 
6. Monitor Social Media/Electronics. The social aspects of middle school are rough, to say the least. Middle school students are experiencing a new social world and bullying is common at this age. Whether your student is doing the bullying or the one being picked on, you need to know (and you need to deal with it). With student suicide rates at all all time high, be proactive in finding out what is happening with your child socially. There are a number of apps that can monitor your child’s electronics. Additionally, electronics are the number one reason why middle schoolers aren’t sleeping enough at night. Set a time when they turn off or turn in their electronics for the evening. Studies show that at least an hour before bedtime is best.

Bonus #7! (Yep, we do bonuses here!) Buy more pencils. Your child is likely switching classes often and losing pencils along the way. Many teachers report giving away 500+ pencils each semester. Help a teacher out and snag some more pencils when they’re on sale in August!

Weigh In! Leave a comment with your best advice to parents of middle school kids!

#middleschool #parentadvice #teaching

Where $5 Can REALLY Make You Holler

Due to the great recession, shopping at the local thrift store has become an increasingly popular hobby amongst middle class ladies. While the wealthy women discuss saving Africa as they receive their daily keratin hair treatment and the poor loaf around the mall with their Obama phones pokin’ outta their bras, the middle class women of America are fighting the effects of governmental budgetary incompetence with “vintage” apparel, internet dating, and satisfying their material needs with pinterest dreams. 

Thrifting takes a certain amount of skill, which most middle class women have previously obtained from their versatile, liberal arts education. Liberal Arts graduates have more than just extensive student loans. They have also obtained analytical skills and problem solving abilities, as well as interpersonal skills and the ability to communicate effectively. 

“How can I turn this porcelain clown bust in to a fantastic dining room light fixture? …I’m like totally gonna instagram and share this spray painted ceramic bunny bookend I made to see how many repins I get by the end of the day!”

That degree may not land you a job, but you can write a killer eharmony profile and you can work those pre-worn designers long enough to get unlimited Olive Garden breadsticks and, if you’re lucky, some Waffle House! Work it, guurl! 

Walking in to a disorderly thrift store abruptly triggers the left side of my brain and I want to begin straightening things like some sort of thrift store Rain Man. Self control then triggers the awesome side of my brain and I begin a creative treasure hunt.“OoOh! I could totally turn this portable urinal in to a fantastic gravy boat!”  

It’s so overwhelming that I typically start to pace the tchotchke section quickly in fear that some geriatric will snatch up something amazing… like a plated brass cat… or a device that can be fashioned in to a cake stand and covered in chalk board paint.

Thrifting through clothing requires a completely different set of skills. It’s a lot like dating. I have to consider previous owners, stains, things that don’t fit properly, and, of course, venereal diseases. It can be a little frustrating at times, because the option doesn’t come in a different size or color. It is an “as is”, take it or leave it, their mother should’ve stopped nursing them sooner kind of thing. Then, usually on a day of weakness, I find an item whose smell has a tolerable mixture of dust and urine and I settle.

Once while combing the racks I found a great blazer. It wasn’t an amazing brand, but it looked okay and had a 401K. I thought, “This blazer will totally increase my economic status,” so I brought it home and hung in it my closet. I wore it out a few times and my friends were all, “Oh my god, I love that blazer! Where can I find a blazer like that? ” And I was all, “You can’t. [smug smile] I assaulted a geriatric to get this blazer.” Shortly thereafter, the blazer became too habitual, too comfortable and, worse of all, it started to feel a little tight. Fraudulent love will make you fat.

Finding someone on the internet that will be your thrift store side kick but have enough money to support an occasional keratin hair treatment and a smart phone to stick in your bra is an excellent option for finding true happiness when the country is going to shit…someone that will pay those liberal arts education student loans and also support you when you decide to go to massage therapy school…someone that doesn’t smell like dust and urine. So set those standards high, middle class ladies, and next time vote republican.

Internet Dating

I will admit, I’ve experienced a moment of insanity. For a brief three-month stint, I partook in the world of internet dating. After strategically developing my profile and specifically itemizing my list of mate qualifications (see below), eHarmony not so tenderly informed me, “There are currently no matches at this time.”

After claiming that thousands of interesting singles were members of their site, I was unmatchable. “Wow, I must be really special or incredibly unattractive,” I thought.   Then the browser refreshed and 1437 matches were found within a 60 mile radius. I came to the harsh realization that I was not only indistinctive, but that I could be easily paired with Farmer Jon MacDonald, Sir Steroids with a profile of nudity (not complaining!), Dr. Potent Divorcee with children my age, Homey G complete with shades and zuit suit, and let’s not forget Spock. Spock wasn’t an option as I was jealous of his eyebrows. I had a diverse buffet bar of selections; I knew I’d need an assistant!

I believe that anyone that puts themselves on the internet, be it blog, linked in, facebook, or a forum comment, is deserving of criticism, myself included. That said, my lovely assistant (my mom) and I spent several evenings enjoying wine and eharmony, while my father scolded us on how horrible we were. The immediate deletion of any potential lover was determined by the following characteristics (in order of importance):

1.       Looks. One picture containing a dead animal or the portrayal of arrogance could mean deletion.
2.       Height. A deal breaker if shorter than 6ft. Not a deal breaker if they were shorter than 4’10”. I always did have a thing for Doc, Dopey, and Danny DeVito.
3.       Career. Dancers, tree frog breeders, and clowns need not apply.

If a profile made it through the first round, then we’d actually read the profile. Then, with the use of a handy dandy mate qualifications list and a complicated points system, we narrowed down the search…

Extensive Mate Qualification List

1.       Taller than a mail box and thinner than an Escalade.

2.       The man, as well as any offspring, must not resemble feral hogs, Jonbenet Ramsey, or any character from the movie The Dark Crystal.

3.       Their profile does not claim that their BFF is Jesus or that their favorite book is a Linux programming guide. 

4.       Less dim-witted than the average politician, more dim-witted that Christopher Langan, and preferably more knowledgeable than me in the areas of mechanics, sports, and finances.

5.       They look, act, sound, and feel like a man. Toolboxes, golf clubs, and baseball hats are sexier than many other accessories, even shell necklaces. 

…when it was all said and done, I concluded that eharmony’s initial evaluation was correct: there are no matches at this time.

Ten Relationships That Are Not Worth Your Time

Ten Types of Relationships that are Not Worth Your Time

1.       The Tumultuous Relationship: Guys that break up with girls due to other potential flings don’t really like you. The truth is, they just don’t like being lonely. Get them a puppy and move on.

2.       The Silent Treatment:Text messages and other various forms of communication go unanswered for days. In a world of social media and iphones, if a guy really wants you he also wants to chat with you. Don't be that girl. Create an amazing new contact name for him, like "The Mute" or "Bashful".

3.       The Jane Doe: When your identification in his phone is covert, he might as well refer to you as booty call #1137. The same goes for a guy that has no intention of revealing your casual or blossoming relationship to his friends. If he doesn’t look at you and say to his friends, “Yeah, that’s her” then you might as well call him Short and Stumpy #666  and use him as back up when your battery dies.

4.       The Midnight Excursion: If the extent of a romantic evening with him consists of just an evening in, naked, with a potential trip to Ihop at midnight for nourishment, he’s probably not planning to take you to Sunday brunch with mom and dad the next morning. However, these nights can be especially exciting, just don’t get too attached and remember that “hanging out” and booty calls should never be ranked equally to dinner and a movie.

5.       The Guilt-Tripper: He doesn’t call. He doesn’t respond to text messages. He makes and breaks plans frequently and impersonally. Then, after you’ve determined that he’s been the victim of a natural disaster, he reappears and says, “Why are you so fickle? Don’t you like me anymore?”

6.       The relationship you are attempting to access is temporarily unavailable. The mention of any future plans involving anything from getting ice cream later to having 2.5 children and a golden retriever causes a temporary shutdown of all communication and sexual escapades. Remind him that you're only considering serious relationships with men that are actually good looking, interesting, funny, and with slightly more stamina than he can provide.

7.       The One Way Street: He calls you on every bad day to vent, but doesn’t reply when you need help in making an important life decision. Tip: Don’t make that life decision to accommodate this guy.

8.       The Cock Blocker: He doesn’t want a serious, committed relationship with you; the casual friends- with-benefits thing is working just fine. However, the very idea that you’d go on a date with someone that actually thinks you’re worth more than that of a blow up doll is out of the question and tends to prevent you from giving anyone else a chance.  Trust me; this guy is crazy to think you’d be cool with this stagnant relationship forever.

9.       The Invisible Man: He likes to hang out with you one-on-one (literally), but disappears when the opportunity to meet your friends or accompany you to a wedding occurs. Let him disappear and see if the cute best man is available.

10.   The Blue Light Special: He makes you feel cheap. It doesn't matter how he does it. If he makes you feel cheap, remember that you're more of a Tiffany's kind of girl and go hang out at the coffee shop near the local med school. 

Libya: Solving world problems one day at a time.

Libya: Solving world problems one day at a time.

Unless you’ve been hiding within the narcissistic realm of social media, you’ve heard that Libya has followed Tunisia and Egypt in to the world of civil unrest. Copycats. Most Americans would shrug and reflect saying something profound like, “Yep, Libya. Is that nexta France? I once had a dog named Libby. Loved that dog.”

But according to Hardball with Chris Matthews, now is not the time to lounge around complaining about the cost of gas for your highly necessary diesel Hummer or yet another Skippy peanut butter recall; it is the time to put our humanitarian efforts on high blast and purchase a t-shirt demanding, “Save Libya”.

The United States has been contemplating which actions should be taken in dealing with the Quaddafi, the leader of Libya. Should Libyan rebels receive international support supplying them with ammunition, weapons, or humanitarian supplies? Should the US institute a No-Fly zone or place an embargo on Libyan oil exports? Should we call James Bond? All of these questions have evidently stumped the politians of Washington, the great thinkers of our country.

Never fear. There are several alternatives to brute force, armament, and higher oil prices that the brains of DC have overlooked.

Send in the Clowns

He has “a different constitution, a different brain, a different heart.” As he once proclaimed, “I got tiger blood.” He’s Charlie Sheen and he is tired of pretending he’s not special. He has a 100% success rate at everything except AA and rehab, but he’s a winner none the less. In Libya he can utilize his “big warlock brain” to devise a conquest plan and deliver the message to Quaddafi “with a sense of violent love.” Most importantly, he’s used to “dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee.” Ma Salama Charlie, take your dirty underwear and your tiger blood with you.

Crash Their Economy

The streets of Libya are crowded, loud, and cut throat; the bankers of Wall Street should feel right at home. Perhaps the collapse of the Libyan housing market, financial crisis, and poverty stricken citizens looking for cheap wheat and sugar would force Quaddafi to quit. Then they can build their fortune on the backs of the Libyans and give the Americans a break.

Exile the Underachievers

Save the children of the United States and send Libya the ineffective teachers that were unable to reverse the effects of poverty and years of bad parenting. In fact, give the teachers miniscule funds, no parent support, forty illiterate Libyan gang toddlers, and they’ll still teach them to speak English well enough to communicate with the monolingual, egocentric American people. Unfortunately, this is not on the standardized test, and, therefore, an epic failure.

At the very least, send in Lindsay Lohan. She can steal their oil.

Transportation in Modern Day Egypt

       When I was a child we had a junk drawer conveniently located between the fridge and the stove. Though it wasn't intended to be used as a junk drawer it still collected the odds and ends that didn't necessarily have a home. This drawer could at one time contain nails, birthday candles, buttons, batteries, ketchup packets, water balloons, inkless pens, and the nail clippers that could never actually be found when most needed. The Egyptian transportation system as a whole is this junk drawer.

Taxis, cars, buses, motorcycles, camels, and cats weave in and out at unsettling speeds with a possible pause for some brave soul jaunting across the street, playing Frogger. Taxi drivers slam on their brakes, honk, and try to hail the pedestrians hoping they can find some tourist to overcharge. BMWs, Jaguars, and Mercedes speed around condescendingly honking their horns and tailgating. The buses are overcrowded and have men hanging out the doors barely hitting the perched motorcyclists practically making love to their bikes as they swerve over bumps and past traffic jams. I've seen donkeys hauling around a flat trailer of fruit and toddlers coming within inches of being destroyed by impatient drivers. I've seen a body in the middle of a six lane highway, defended only by a line of people standing there trying to diverge the traffic from their hurting friend. I've seen cars driving the wrong way down the highway to avoid a roundabout. Overall, it’s like Allah threw up civilization all over the street.

In Egypt I experienced enough problems with the transportation system to want to return to the states forever. One afternoon I took a bus downtown, and in the time period of the bus ride I learned the intricate details of Helen's life story and she learned about mine, then we took a nap, woke up, developed a new language, sipped a cocktail, and invented the cotton gin, then we arrived at our destination.

In order to return to campus we called an Arabic speaking Jordinian to talk to the directionless cab driver we finally flagged down. Though better than the cabby that drove us in to the desert and demanded money or he'd leave me there, this creep drove us in circles blaring Arabic techno music and smoking. We finally made it back to the university, but only after we were charged twice what we should have been.

I have called bus companies, chased after busses, been left in the middle of a random street, stumbled upon a missing driver that was sleeping in the back seat, argued prices, and sat within a menagerie dusty Tchotchkies that decorated the bus like some sort of carnie explosion. The transportation of Egypt is a beautiful, cultural clusterfuck that never ceases to amaze. It’s like, "Mom, do you know where a rubber band is?" "Check the junk drawer. Is it there?" "No, but I found a green cheeto and the toe ring I lost when I was 7." There are no schedules, no plans, no backup system, no phone numbers, no stop lights, no road signs, and no rules.  Did I mention I saw a cow inside a van and camels in the back of a pickup ready for slaughter? How about the taxis with 84 bags piled on top, secured with one piece of fishing line? It is just a big, crazy mess that one can attempt to clean up, but like a junk drawer will always show up again.